Lost Dreams

Chasing dreams was easy when you were here. Anything and everything was possible. I try to look at life the way I did before when we were living our dreams. It’s difficult now… it’s different.dream

Wandering and lost, I know I need to make new plans, look to the future but its grim imagining a future without you. Once you said to me “If your dreams aren’t scary there not big enough” and I responded “My dreams are huge and you’re in all of them”. Now everything has changed and it will never be the same.

You are relentlessly on my mind, every waking moment I am consumed by you. It was like this when you were alive but my thoughts were always bright and positive, missing you wasn’t this agonizing. Now my thoughts of you and of us, although still full of perfect memories they are accompanied with longing and heart ache. 

I hold onto things you said to me and replay your words of encouragement in my head. Your words get me through most days. I find as more time passes the fire you gave me dwindles. I hope this mood will pass soon.

One day at a time is all I can manage for now. Plans without you are hard to think about. Thinking of the future we had, the future that was taken from us is tormenting. The pure, joyful emotions I once experienced as we planned our life are gone. The excitement no longer exists in any form.

YES I feel sorry for myself!

What did we do to deserve this?

Why were we dealt such black cards?

Is there someone out there that thinks I can handle this?

Handle this longing and intense heartache.

Why did this happen during the happiest point in both of our lives?

Why did this happen when we were so in love and had so much life to look forward to?

YES I am angry!

Angry that our future was taken away

That so many miss out on having you in their lives

Angry that I don’t get to grow old with you

I had dreamt of spending my life with you. My soul mate the one person who fulfilled me in every way. We shared in so much happiness and love. How do I dream without you here? It’s too scary to think about now.

Tomorrow brings a new day. For now ill dream small and hold hope that tomorrow is lighter than today. That’s really all I can do for now.

I love you, all of you, infinitely.

 

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