Fierce Widow

Dear Me,

What you have been through in recent months, I have no words for. Not one word can sum up the weighted pain I know you’re holding. I can see through your strength, I want to tell you, you will eventually be ok. I am by your side.

I feel the sting in your wounds and see the tears in your reflection. Remember the strength and courage that is a part of your make up. It has always been there. I will find it for you when you misplace it. I wish you didn’t feel so lost now, but I can see a glimmer and a sparkle of hope.

Hold on to that, hold onto your true self, hold onto me. I will push you further than you think your limits could ever reach. You will love me for pushing you, you will love yourself.

I know at times you wish your life away, wish you could begin the next with him. I need to tell you, this is our script and you haven’t finished your role yet!

The harsh truth is this is your life now. Stop living in your fog and emerge. You are not alone in this, not the only one who has suffered this pain. If you don’t place one foot in front of the other towards the clearing I might lose sight of you. Then where will you be?

Don’t lose yourself…

I know you so well but I am going through a huge change, so like you I am trying to find my feet. Please be kind to yourself, we really need a break. A soul feeding adventure somewhere, just you and I. You can keep talking to him like he’s here. I enjoy listening to our thoughts, worries and happy tales out loud. It gets lonely being alone, I get it.

The other day when you were driving and you thought you saw him so you turned around. I was so excited for you, I could feel your heart racing and you felt alive. When it wasn’t him but a stranger, I felt bad that you trusted in my imagination only to have your hopes shattered in a single moment. I really hurt you that day and you hurt me.

Here’s the thing, the chances of you getting through this without me are slim. So although I can hurt you at times you still need to trust in yourself, listen to your heart and your intuition. I’m sorry I let you down.

You are one of one hundred billion stars in our galaxy, one galaxy in an overcrowded universe. Do you see how small you are now in comparison? Don’t let this discourage you, I know you have a purpose. Do you know why there are so many stars in the sky? No one really knows. So don’t feel bad that you haven’t figured out why you’re still here.

Kindest Regards, Me x