Choose Happiness

happy

Undoubtedly it is difficult to see positives in life, when life has thrown you a loss this large.

Happiness is an inside job, I’ve been relying too much on others lately to lift my spirits and forgetting that I am the strongest person I know. I am more qualified than anyone else in my life to put a smile on my face.

Remind yourself, you’ve got this!

“Use your smile to change your life, don’t let life change your smile”

Keeping busy and distracted can be good sometimes, but I began to rely on distraction a little too much and I stopped relying on myself. After reading back through my own advice I realised where I went wrong. There was a shift in my mind set, I stopped consciously appreciating everything that I still have. I stopped living the way my love lived. I need to continuously remind myself of the strengths he gave me.

Not only that, I also need to discover who this new me is.

Who am I now? Who am I on my own?

Do I know this person? Do I love this person?

Rather than chase distractions, I will chase the answers to the above questions.   Thinking back to who I was before my love. Who was she on her own and what fed the fire in her soul? Easier asked than answered, I haven’t spent time with just her for many years.

To the woman who continues to give me strength,

I remember sharing my life with only you once before, being brave with you when we first moved out of home. Being young, immature and silly with you, laughing with you, crying with you, being lost in thought and overthinking with you. Once upon a time we did it all together, just us against the world. Wildly independent, having adventures on our own, making mistakes and learning. We were happy with our life.

Life is far from easy now, far from perfect. But I am here, she is still here and we will strive to make the most out of every day.

Do you remember the last time you lived?

The last time you laughed so much that you cried, the last time you sat and embraced sunshine beaming onto your skin, the last time you noticed and were thankful for the breeze giving you goose bumps, the last time you smiled so wide that you felt the skin on your face stretch, the last time you walked in the rain and let it drench your soul, the last time you ran and felt free and untouchable. When was the last time you dove under water just to see how long you could hold your breath? When was the last time you felt alive?

I remember…

It was November last year.

Yes it is difficult to see the positives in life, but only if you stop looking. The search for happiness is not about waiting for it to fall into your lap. You have to want it, you have to chase it, you have to choose it.

The opportunity for happiness is all around, we just need to open our eyes.

Remembering something my love once said to my mum,

“It doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re with,

you create your own happiness, strength and smile”

I have to say, he was right.

“Together they danced in the rain, directly into her storm”

FierceWidow

rain dance

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