Fierce Widow

This heart ache remains, it always will. This longing  and grief is everlasting and will be for a lifetime. Why can I not move on they wonder.

Because I love him.

I will always love him, grief is permanent and it remains as long as love remains.

Nothing will change the depth of my love for him, therefore the depth of my grief does not differ.

I grieve for the wholesome life we shared, so complete and overflowing with a love like no other. I grieve for our love. I grieve for the loss of feeling that love in everyday activities, in every life event big and small.

Some mornings I wake and a smile will cross my face. A happy moment will light the day until suddenly and unexpectedly a tear will fall. Because even in the joyous moments life gives me I can no longer feel them wholly because he is not here to share it with. So I grieve for him.

Because I love him. 

When a love song plays softly to my ears, when a happy couple sit together in a park, when my children smile, I grieve for him.

When I purchase groceries, when I pay a bill, when I go for a jog to clear my mind, I grieve for him.

When people say, where is your partner, why are you single, you’re too young and beautiful to be alone. I grieve for him, for our future lost.

Because I love him.

When I bump my elbow, change the oil in the car, order a coffee for one, I grieve for him.

When actors on TV play out scenes similar to the life we lived or the love we shared, I grieve for him.

When someone says how have you been, the children look so grown up, how is work, I grieve for him, for all he is missing.

Because I love him.

When a rainbow stretches the sky, when the sun rises in the morning and birds sing with a new day, when clouds roll over and rain drops fall on the bedroom window, I grieve for him.

When I walk along the beach with my toes in the sand, when the kids play happily in the park, when I reach for a jumper because it’s cold, I grieve for him.

When I take family photos or go out to lunch with friends, when I cook dinner and a plate is missing, I grieve for him.

Because I love him.

When I shower and give the kids a bath, when I have to change a light globe, when I make the bed in the morning, I grieve for him.

When I lay awake at night and feel the empty space, when I wake in search of his shirt lost somewhere in the sheets, when I kiss the children, I grieve for him.

When laughter rings through the walls in my home, when I read a positive quote, with every word I write, I grieve for him.

When the moon lights the sky and the stars shimmer brightly, when I listen to the waves crashing on the shore, with every breath and beat of my heart, I grieve for him.

Because I love him.

With every thought and action, in everything I do and every choice I make, in everything I see, I grieve for him. Why, because I love him.

He was present in every aspect of my life, EVERYTHING.

So I grieve for him, because I love him, he loves me and that love is everlasting.