Fierce Widow

This morning I woke after only four hours sleep, I made myself a coffee and walked outside to gather my thoughts. At first sight I noticed light filled rain drops resting on leaves and with that I was taken back to last year. Memories of falling asleep with my love on hot rainy nights and waking in his arms to vibrant sunny mornings.

There are times in life now that it rains and it pours, storm clouds roll in and it feels as though they are here to stay. However we weather it out and sunlight inevitably breaks through the dark clouds. Hold on for its light.

We seek light because we know darkness, we find courage because we have felt fear. Hope has a way of creeping in when we feel hopeless. Grab hold of that hope, use it as a platform to rebuild your life.

My hope is that my best friend, the love of my life sees how hopeful I strive to be. I hope he is proud, I know he is proud. I reread a message from him the other day that said, “One of the things I love most about you is that you always stand up for what you love and if you need to, you will go out in a blaze of glory, a fire fight, you have spine and I love it. I love you”.

He believed in me more than most. He loved me the most. Now because of him, I believe in myself and with that I begin to love myself. And as he reminded me, I stand up for and fight for the things I love. So I will fight for myself. My strength comes with not only wanting to make him proud, but also having pride in myself. We are our own worst enemies, but we will never fail as long as we continue to try.

“Never stop to watch the dust settle behind you

Let your soul burn bright

Your shine will light the path for your future”

K.W.

Even if you have only been existing up unto this point, just look at how far you have made it. Life is filled with exceptional beauty we just need to search for it. I love the quote “What I have survived, might kill you”. Realise now that you are stronger than you believe yourself to be in the times of darkness. I envy people who have not experienced grief, heartache and trauma but I also have no interest in people who haven’t lived and died a few times in their life. There is nothing more courageous than a person who has been broken, lost it all and pieced it back together with nothing but their broken dreams and cracked skeletons. It is our choice to do this.

“As long as you leave to others the responsibility to make you happy,

You will always be sad.

Because actually…

That is your job”

This quote is true, you cannot rely on anyone to make you happy. I have to admit though my courage began with wanting to make him proud and then it started to grow into more. I became proud of myself and with that came happiness within myself. Find the happiness within yourself.

“You burn with desire to battle and fight

So do not shy from the adventure of life

Don’t lose your passion, your freedom, your years

Draw out your sword and face all your fears

Stand staunch and be proud of the person you are

When you follow your dreams, you will reach the stars”

K.W.